DO THEY DISAPPEAR? GET THEM BACK WITH LOVE YOU TOO

From Benching to Zombieng, relationships are increasingly unstable (and toxic). There are some signs that make us understand that people can disappear at any moment, put us on the bench, or suddenly vanish. We remain involved in this unconscious and toxic dynamic because we have no idea what love truly is. Fluid love in an increasingly fluid society. The father of "liquid modernity" and the famous sociologist Zygmunt Bauman said: Loneliness creates insecurity, and even affectionate relationships create insecurity. In a relationship, you can feel as insecure as you would if you didn't have it, or even worse. In fact, only the name you give to your anxiety changes. After all, love is a mortgage issued on an uncertain and elusive future. And today, in this uncertain moment characterized by an epochal crisis, who wants to enter into a relationship that becomes a commitment without guarantees? One must resort to unconsciousness, the crazy desire to invest in the other, unconditional trust, pure madness in the 2020s. That's how we could become slaves to a toxic relationship.

To avoid all this, we can create a mutual agreement aimed at deepening our understanding of each other, to dismantle fears and doubts. Why not do this by sending a Love You Too padlock, inviting the other person to explore their inner self and break down the walls/obstacles?

We often hear about "fluid" relationships that seem to characterize not only the younger generations today but also others. Superficiality and reluctance to commit are characteristics that associate the phenomenon with increasingly evocative names that seem to come from horror movies: "ghosting," "caspering," "zombieng," "love bombing," "benching"... all these "trends" developed quickly as a way to end a relationship, essentially consisting of abruptly cutting off contact or gradually cooling off and then effectively disappearing without any explanation. In practice, a bond is broken without actually closing it and without any confrontation with the person left behind. And it doesn't just happen in love, it can happen in friendships and even in the workplace.

And then, the wounds remain, the misunderstandings, the lack of understanding, the astonishment. We feel guilty for not being able to hold on to the other person. But is it really our fault? It would be simplistic to say that ghosting and similar behaviors are only a product of social networks and dating apps because while it is clear that many relationships form and end online, the truth is that, whether digital or traditional, what is lacking is responsibility and, above all, respect for others.

We are not taught to understand the root of our feelings and the things that happen to us. That's why, when we experience inner discomfort, we prefer to escape, disengage, avoid depth. We are not accustomed to listening, welcoming, and understanding the language and sources of uncertainty, insecurity, anxiety, fear, depression, guilt, and pain. Others make promises. We run, we escape, we numb ourselves with food, alcohol, other superficial relationships, compulsive behaviors.

In all of this, taking a moment to understand who we are dealing with before exposing ourselves to even theoretical commitments is a good strategy. This does not mean putting up a wall or being overly cautious; rather, it means better understanding the person in front of us.

Another significant phenomenon is that of Caspering, in which the partner gradually distances themselves. Faced with a partner who suddenly becomes cold and distant, we rack our brains to understand the causes. Simply put, the passion and desire to be together fade away, which unfortunately can happen. There might be another partner, or simply other priorities in a very complicated life situation. Maybe the interest is different from what it was in the beginning, perhaps as they get to know each other better, they find divergent points that decrease desire. The real problem with Caspering, and even more so with Ghosting, is managing this change in feelings and desires. An adult should be capable of addressing the issue and the problems, or simply being honest with their partner and confiding in them about what is happening. Allowing a relationship to fade away over time is an act of great cowardice and lack of respect.

That's why communication plays a fundamental role in interpreting and resolving these issues. Especially when communication can take place not face-to-face but through a message in a bottle like with Love You Too. Understanding and resolving discomfort is essential to return the relationship to normal management.

Our lives are full of commitments and distractions because we feel incapable of facing and resolving these emotions and situations. So, we try to avoid them, because by doing so, we also avoid the problem of sudden disappearances. Probably, "avoiding" is a foolproof way to keep those toxic dynamics under control and perpetuate that sense of inadequacy and embarrassment that can turn into anger. The superficiality and "fluidity" in relationships are precisely due to a lack of self-awareness, awareness of one's own wounds, and compensatory dynamics. Disappearance, indecision, always leaving everything up in the air, disappearing and then reappearing suddenly without explanations, are just some of the patterns that can manifest in relationships without self-awareness and awareness of others. In English, there is a saying, "hurt people hurt people," meaning that those who are hurt, hurt others, carrying forward the same patterns and wounds they received in the past without ever healing through the process of true listening and awareness.